Women's Invisible Bodyguard
Honestly I can't fathom what's going on in a woman's mind when vultures pick on them.
When I say the word "Bodyguard" what comes to your mind? A bulky man in a black tee who looks like a threat, right? A bodyguard is hired by a person who needs to protect their privacy, and the bodyguard shoos away creeps or vultures who invade the person's privacy.
I recently went to a strangers' meet. The gender ratio was skewed to like 10:1. We were playing some games and I was talking to the other guys. I met an HR who works in tech, a doctor who is pursuing his Masters, a businessman, etc.
As the event went on, a girl joined quite late. She was fair and was in semi party attire. I also noticed a few people in the group. The attention of the majority of the group shifted towards her because of just three people. I could visibly see it. (Actually it was four guys. Three visibly seen and one guy who was invisible.)
I was observing most of the situation happening while also having conversations with fellow strangers at the meet.
At the end of the session there was a group picture. The three guys surrounded the girl and were making a heart symbol with their hands. The girl laughed, but I kind of sensed it was just to ease the awkwardness. Then I noticed the girl next to her holding her hand tightly too.
After the group photo I went on to put on my shoes and was leaving a bit behind everybody else. While leaving, I could see the two girls were already on the go, wearing their helmets and leaving as soon as possible. The fourth guy which I mentioned earlier was asking for her Instagram too. I just left ASAP. Really didn't feel good at all.
Writing this after a week and recalling the whole situation now.
I also did a background check on Instagram. Two out of the three guys were already married. I was shocked.
This triggered a lot of thoughts. As a person seeing this happen in a social situation at a strangers' meet, what should I have done? I am questioning myself too. Should I have called her separately and asked her if they were disturbing her? Should I have informed the hosts about it? What would I do if this happens next time? Is there something I can do if something similar to this happens again?
I can only think of an imaginary picture that comes up in my mind. It is a vulture trying to pick a small turtle hatchling. Tried to think of something else, but that's how my mind feels about this whole situation every time.
If you are a woman who is reading this, let me know from a woman's perspective if they crossed the line in a social event and should have been stopped, or if they were just inches away from being over the line. If I see the girl again someday, I probably will ask her about this.
So suddenly I can see this invisible bodyguard shield around women now. I once talked to a fellow female traveller where she went on a solo trip for two weeks across Europe, but her parents are not allowing her to do solo trips in India even though she wants to solo travel. I have also noticed in tech events where it is filled with tech bros, women tend to group up and talk freely with each other.
I have also noticed a few women only let their invisible bodyguard rest when they are with people they trust or only in women only groups. I always wondered about the recent uptick in women only groups, but after this I kind of understand a little bit why. It's just to give rest to the invisible bodyguard. Once the women's meet is over and they come out of the safe zone, the bodyguard has to work again 24/7.
I wonder if this is specifically for Indian women or if this is for every woman around the world. Honestly I really don't have an idea. I didn't have so many questions pop up like this ever before in my life. I was able to connect this to a lot of things looking back at my life.
So reflecting back on all of these thoughts, I really don't have a 24/7 invisible guard at all. I was asking myself, did I ever have an invisible bodyguard hired for me? The answer was no because I didn't have to worry about anything.
A very recent relatable scenario for me was when I was added to a PenPal group. There were a few women who were hesitant to share their address, and I totally understand because of safety reasons. So I enquired around and found a solution where anyone can get a P.O box in the India Post Office so they can share that address for receiving letters. They don't have to share their personal address at all. Which looked like a great solution initially.
Then it hit me hard. Even though there was an amazing solution, why did the problem exist in the first place to find a solution? The problem shouldn't exist at all, right? Where a woman has to go through loops and extra steps just to be safe in case. Just for that in case. Extra measures.
As a man I don't have to worry about anything at all. There was not even a nanosecond of pause to tell my address when someone asked for mine. I really felt bad for them and didn't know what I could do to make them not go through it. All I could do was hope it doesn't have to be like this and it gets better soon, and they don't have to have their bodyguard 24/7.
So I have written down these thoughts that are lingering. So what now?
When I say the word Bodyguard now, what do you see? Do you still see a black tee muscle guy? Or do you see an invisible field allowing only certain things to pass through? Or do you see something else?
Do you know what I see now?
I see an invisible brain. Yes, an invisible brain. The invisible brain projects this invisible barrier when it is active and vanishes when it's off. Do you know that the human brain takes up to 20% of the total energy spent with only 2% of the body mass? This chunk is an energy glutton. I bet the invisible brain chugs equal or more mental energy too.
Invisible brain is the invisible bodyguard.
When the invisible brain is active it is always in survival mode. The moment it drops, it feels like instant death. One single mistake of sharing an address or sharing a number and it's gone. There is no room for error.
I think that's how the invisible brain functions, which can be so draining for a person. This is just the internal mental struggle for survival. I didn't even include the external factors like parents' judgment, the neighbours' judgment, or what society will say for doing certain things when a woman does them.
When a girl says I feel restricted, I wonder if this is what they are going through. Kind of like an iruku ana illa moment. You actually have full freedom, but you don't. Restrictions put on them which are not visible to the naked eye, but very visible to the invisible brain.
When a girl asks why she can't roam like the other boys at night, why she can't travel solo like the other boys, why she can't dress freely, and so on, I think it actually means why can't I just switch off my 24/7 invisible bodyguard? Heck, why do I even need it in the first place? Looks like men don't even have it or don't even know it exists in the first place. Why can't I have my freedom with no restrictions at all and only have the mask of having full freedom?
Is there an answer to all the questions?
Honestly, I don't have an answer at all. All I will do is make sure within my circle I create an environment so women don't have to automatically put their invisible barrier up and can create a space where their invisible bodyguard can rest.
As I write this the question arises. What am I? A crow? A pigeon? A parrot? Or am I a vulture too? Or someone who doesn't see himself as a vulture? Or am I just a chunk of matter that morphs into animals based on situations?
Seeking answers to questions continues...